So it seems that I am HUGELY behind in my posting schedule. After being so dutiful with recording my reflections as a student teacher, I must admit that as a I’m finding it hard maintaining enough energy to keep this blog going having missed not one but two weekly posts. And it’s not because I don’t have anything to write about. I have plenty of ideas for posts and a lot of content languishing in draft form but the content isn’t at a standard where I would happy to push publish.
Yet it isn’t Type-A tendencies that are keeping my posts in draft form but rather stage fright. These days I am acutely aware that I have an audience. While I love having a PLN and having awesome co-workers, being an online student afforded me a level of anonymity which enabled me to be a lot more candid in my posts than I am now. I know that there are people from my school, including my principal, that read my blog. It’s good that they do (and I would advise any prospective edublogger to tell your leaders at the outset about your blog at the outset rather than have an uncomfortable conversation later). Nevertheless having an audience does have its drawbacks.
There are times when I find myself second guessing myself on content and on occasion not publishing posts not for fear of wanting to offend my colleagues but more through not wanting anyone at school to worry. I often write on the internet for
free therapy to manage emotions. Indeed it is the confessional nature of blogging makes for riveting reading but also makes the writer vulnerable.
I’ve mentioned before that I often want the earth to swallow me whole when people talk to me about my posts. So when faced with the prospect of having people who I work with day in day out having access to my inner thoughts, I’ve found myself wanting to hide my inner freak. The result of this sudden attack of the blogging jitters has been flat writing and infrequent posting.
Yet we are all freaks and we all have bad days. In my last post as a student teacher I boldly declared that the sharing of stories is perhaps one of the most potent forces education reform. I still do. Because despite being surrounded by people all day, my first few months of teaching has been one of the most isolating experiences of my life. It seems so counter-intuitive that I would lose my blogging mojo right at the point when I should be soaking up advice like a sponge.
I wish I could say that this hiatus will be temporary and that my normal service of 2-3 posts will resume shortly. I hope it will but wonder when I will regain the energy to do so because I have never been so exhausted in all my life.
In part I blame the Wellington winter. Although I’ve lived in climates far colder, New Zealand’s lack of indoor heating and Wellington’s biting southerly winds and constant rain make the capital’s winters particularly nasty. I’m cold pretty much all the time and having to wrap up in several layers of clothes is a major downer. Officially Wellington is only a few degrees colder than Auckland but it feels like so much more than that and I am permanently shivering.
Previous experience tells me that I’m also in dire need of a holiday. I spent last weekend at school trying to get my class’s learning portfolios in order and plan for the next week which wasn’t the smartest move because by Wednesday I was paying the price for not taking time away from school. Over the week my stabbing pains at the base of my neck which I initially thought was due to me being permanently hunched up from the cold but was actually the beginning of a nasty migraine. A seeing spots, puking on the way home, slept for 12 hours straight, migraine. Despite feeling decidedly whoozy the next day I still went to school and when the kids showed up and somehow I was back at my normal energy levels. How does that happen?
I hope that I am able to conjure up some energy to be able to post a lot more frequently than I am right now. Blogging is something I enjoyed doing but over the last few weeks has became a chore. Ever so gradually writing posts and responding to comments has been pushed right down the bottom of my ‘to do list.’
How do you regain your blogging mojo?